WHAT RUNNING HAS TAUGHT ME

Growing up I hated running. To me it seemed like a senseless way to torture yourself. If I could muster up enough will to run a mile or maybe two, that to me was a huge accomplishment.

In my late teens I developed a binge eating disorder and running was a form of punishment I used after I had a binge episode. This behavior only increased my negative views on running. I knew the following scenario all too well: I had a binge episode and was consumed with guilt and remorse about the amount of food I consumed. After an hour or two of wallowing in self-hate I would lace up my shoes and force myself to go on a jog. It was always an uncomfortable run - I was overly full and beating myself up as I ran, desperately trying to burn off calories. My runs were miserable and I definitely did not enjoy any part of them.

Eventually, I took a break from running for a year or so and really didn't miss it. But in August 2018 I decided to start back up running again, and this time I did it for the right reasons. Only able to run a couple miles at a time, I enjoyed the challenge of pushing myself physically and mentally. No longer was I viewing running as a way to punish and abuse my body, but as a way to heal.

I never set out to be a runner, but I feel like running found me. To me running is my escape, a personal retreat. To me running is brutal and life-giving all at the same time. It's both hard and rewarding, and it teaches you lessons about life.

Running has taught me to focus on where I am and not look too far ahead. When you're running, you are forced to focus on the mile you're in. You can't undo the past mile that was crappy and you can't dwell on what's far ahead. You have to run the mile you are in. That is often the same in life - we can't change the past and we can't worry too much about the future, we just have to focus on what's right in front of us.

Running has taught me to rely on God when I am weak. During my long training runs, there were so many times I felt weak & helpless. My legs were jello and my lungs were on fire. It was during those times of feeling like giving up that I realized how much I have to rely on Jesus.

Running has taught me to be appreciate the body that God has given me. It's abilities, it's strengths, and it's weaknesses.

It can be easy to dwell on the things about our body that we don't like, but running has taught me to appreciate the things that my body can do. I have a new appreciation my legs that move when I tell them to, muscles that work and ability to be able to run. Focusing on what my body can do is so much better!

Running has taught me that you will be humbled. There will always be someone faster then you, better then you, and more experienced then you. It can be easy to get wrapped up in measuring yourself up to others who run. Comparing distances and times. Although it can be hard, I am learning that I have to run my own race. Running is teaching me to celebrate other's success and not compare it to my own.

To sum it all up, I am grateful for the gift of running and the lessons it has taught me. To me running has been life-changing, a learning experience, and a remedy to fighting inner demons. It allows me to experience God through my weakness, as I have to rely on him to put one step in front of the other. Because when I am weak, he is strong.